On Sunday morning before we departed for our mini-vacay, I
realized I’d forgotten to pay our satellite tv service bill. Thus, to avoid
getting it cut off, I made a quick payment to DISH NETWORK via their automated
phone service. About thirty minutes later, we hit the highway for Memphis.
When
we returned three days later and the kids turned on the television, we
discovered our satellite service had been disconnected. I
was confused and a little irritated, since I was 100% certain I’d made the
payment on Sunday to DISH NETWORK before we left.
Of course, I was even more TICKED to figure out it had been
disconnected a majority of the time we’d been gone and my precious DVR had not
been able to record the incredibly educational and important shows I watch
religiously, such as… The Bachelorette… and Sister Wives. (I’d be happy to argue
with anyone who says CrapTV can’t be educational. I mean, how else are our children
supposed to learn the incredible importance of red roses in a relationship OR
how having more than one wife might SOUND cool, until you have to figure out a
way to feed the one zillion children that comes with it or until you accidentally admit
you like one wife better than the others?! Geez.)
So, immediately I hopped on the phone to call DISH NETWORK
and figure out what the problem was. I quickly got through to a customer
service rep named Marcus. He was eager to help me solve the great mystery of
why my service was disconnected, even though I paid my bill. He began asking me
a series of questions, including my phone number and receiver number. After
rattling it off to him, he proceeded to tell me I’d not had service since 2008,
but he’d be glad to help me get it restored.
Me: 2008??? That’s ridiculous. I just watched three episodes
of Duck Dynasty on Saturday night. Do you ever watch that show? Sy is my
absolute favorite!!! Hey, Jack. Hey. Hey. Hey. (a little Duck Dynasty humor for
my other fellow rednecks)
Marcus: Um, ma’am. No. No, I’m not familiar with that show.
I know you “told me” you watched your dish a few days ago, but it clearly
states here you’ve not had service since you moved from your previous address in 2008.
Me: Well, you are WRONG. I have DISH NETWORK service and
HAVE HAD DISH NETWORK since we moved into this house, Marcus. Is this your
first day at work?! I bet it is. I really think you might be in over your head
with this situation, Marcus. Perhaps I need to speak to someone with a little
more knowledge of “your system”.
Marcus: No, ma’am. I’ve worked here for five years. I know
what I’m doing. My system says you don’t even have a receiver or dish at your
house and the receiver number you gave me isn’t a recognized number.
I about flipped my lid.
I was looking RIGHT AT the receiver and most certainly had a
very ugly dish connected to the side of my house. I was certain about THAT
fact, considering in order to be permitted to actually place it there, I had to
jump through hoops and negotiate the sale of my first grandchild to our
Homeowner’s Association. In all seriousness, we really did have to get a “professional”
satellite company to come assess our house and get written documentation to
show the HOA, saying the side of our home was the only suitable place for a
satellite dish before we were released of the $150 fine they were trying to
cram down our throats.
Word of advice? If you’re a redneck, you like to do what you
want on your own property, you don’t think having a basketball goal is evil and
you could give a toot less about where your neighbor places their satellite
dish, DO NOT move into a deed restricted area with a Homeowner’s Association.
Anyhow…after spending about thirty minutes go back and forth
with Marcus about having a receiver, whether this "said" receiver I was
describing had actually been working since 2008, me nicely telling him he
needed to learn how to effectively do his job at DISH NETWORK and probably
ruining my karma by calling him a Mo-Ron more than once under my breath, my
phone’s signal dropped the call and all of my progress with dear ol’ Marcus was gone in
an instant. At first, I was livid. This meant I’d have to call back and explain the situation ALL OVER AGAIN to an entirely new customer service rep at DISH NETWORK who was likely just as big of a Mo-Ron as Marcus.
So annoying.
But, when I thought about it for a second, I was actually a bit relieved. I mean, Marcus clearly thought I was losing my mind and the receiver I was telling him about hadn’t worked for four years, but had been kept sitting on my entertainment shelf lifeless and collecting dust. In his defense, he was not familiar with my need to unclutter. If that thing could be tossed and I could still watch my CrapTV, it would have long been gone!
Yes, this was my 2nd chance to get someone on the phone who:
1) Understood how to do their job at DISH NETWORK.
2) Did NOT think I was insane. (No comment from the Peanut
Gallery…HUBBIT.)
So, I called DISH NETWORK again and started explaining the
situation (and the lack of efficiency of Marcus) to a sweet rep named Melana.
About half way through my ranting and raving about how DISH
NETWORK needed to find better customer service reps and how I was appalled I
didn’t know why the money I’d paid wasn’t credited to my account, I looked
closer at the receiver Marcus and I had almost gone to a World War over and
realized something SUPER vital to the situation…
It clearly said DIRECT TV.
Oops.
My bad.
Whitney
