Not Your Mother's Unscented Dry Shampoo

Another freebie I got from Influenster is the Not Your Mother's Unscented Dry Shampoo, to test out. I have to say, I love dry shampoo. In the warmer weather, I don't mind washing and air drying my hair but I hate drying it with a blow dryer in the winter. So, I don't wash it as often. This product is awesome for days when you oversleep or are just too lazy to wash and dry your hair.

It gives incredible volume.
It doesn't smell funny.
It doesn't leave a powdery residue.

I've tried several brands and this one is the best I've tried so far. I even used it the other day on clean hair, just for added volume.

Influenster: Cutex Nail Polish Remover Pads

I usually don't like to participate in free sample programs, but I'm totally addicted to Influenster right now. I've gotten some of the coolest products to test out for free, including this...

Cutex Advanced Revival Nail Polish Remover Pads

These things are awesome! They're inexpensive, first of all. Secondly, they work miracles without ruining your nails. I had been buying 100% acetone to get rid of annoying polish and residue, but I always felt I was poisoning myself after using it.

These things take off all polish and leave no color residue. Also, you don't have to grab paper towels, tissue, or cotton balls to use. It's all in one little pad.

Well worth your time, ladies!

#socutex #healthynails #contest

@cutexnails
@influenster

Drive Thru Shenanigans

Well, it’s been a while since I've blogged, but honestly I can’t think of anything too recent that has made me laugh enough to blog about. At least, nothing that has happened directly in MY presence, that is. Although, I’ve heard enough hilarious stories lately at our new business venture to probably not only to construct 100 entertaining blogs, but also to blackmail the entire West Side. 

Yeah, you might be entertained by the story behind the reason we had to post the, “This is not a conference room…One person only” sign in the work bathroom, or about the harmonica player who was scheduled for a two hour gig, but played only the theme song from The Wizard of Oz, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and something he swore was by Phil Collins (sounded like the same note the entire song though), over and over again like nails on a chalkboard. Of course, the most entertaining part was his “bodyguard”, who sat beside him adding in an “uhhh” every three seconds, trying to make the family favorites sound like modern day rap songs. You go, Lil Wayne. You go.

It’s a good thing I’m good at keeping my mouth shut! ;)

Anyhow, I do have a short little story of “Schtewpid”.

Wanna hear it?

Here it goes…

Hubbit and I were going through the drive thru at a burger chain I’ve despised ever since I had a horrible allergic reaction after eating there, about 15 years ago. Nah, I don’t hold a grudge. Nevertheless, the “wees” craved their toxic flavors and I was simply trying to earn my potential upcoming Mother Of The Year nominations, so I agreed to allow it.

Although he admittedly sucks at ordering in a drive thru…SUCKS…Hubbit was driving and placing the order. I typically just lean over and talk really loud into the ordering speaker when he’s driving, to ensure the order is at least placed properly. What’s REALLY fun is when he permits me to place the order in my sweet little twangy girly voice and then at THE last minute decides he wants to add something and interrupts me in his big ol, deep, redneck voice. 

Then the drive thru attendant gets confused, obviously thinking I'm half sweet lil woman and half loud redneck. Yeah, that’s fun. FUN.

In any case, on this occasion he decided he could order on his own. I didn’t argue. I wasn’t eating from this place, EVER again. Didn’t matter to me if the order was wrong or the Drive Thru Attendant thought I was a "he-she". (Ok, that's not the politically correct word for that. But, excuse my ignorance because I legitimately don't know what the proper term is. No hate comments over that, I beg you.)

Back to my story:

He ordered food for the “wees” and then…

HUBBIT: I’d like to also have the Bacon Cheeseburger Combo, Large Size, with a Mt. Dew and NO mayo.

DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Um, sir. I can’t make that any bigger.

HUBBIT: You don’t do large size combos anymore?

DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Well, the problem is, I can’t ask the cook to make a bigger burger. They’re all the same size. 

(Seriously, did this guy REALLY think he wanted a large sized burger? What on EARTH? We understand this is NOT Arby's, kid.)

HUBBIT: Oh. My. God. Brother, just give me a regular sized burger, with NO MAYO, and make the fries and drink LARGE SIZED. NO Mayo! (Side Note: Even looking at mayo makes him gag.)

DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Ok.

I was quite impressed with Hubbit’s ability not to go completely off due to what I’ve so innocently coined as his “Drive Thru Rage”. Oh it’s happened many times. And no, it’s not pretty. At all.

Of course, I was cackling (not in a cute way) throughout this entire exchange. However, I managed to get my giggles under control as well pulled up to the window to pay and retrieve the order. After all, I’m not THAT mean and didn’t want to make the poor worker feel bad for his lack of common sense, by laughing at him to his face.

However, as he handed Hubbit the only drink we had ordered…the LARGE Mt. Dew…and I realized it was a KID SIZED water, I lost it again and all of my intentions to keep my laugh to myself flew out of the window.

Hubbit quickly corrected him (I was still impressed the Drive Thru Rage hadn’t shown its ugly face), the worker prepared the correct drink, and we were on our way.

UNTIL…

I quickly checked the non-large-sir-i-can’t-ask-the-cooks-to-make-it-bigger-burger to see if it was indeed mayo-free. And, much to no one’s shock…it in fact was NOT mayo-free.

At this point, Hubbit couldn’t contain himself any longer. He’d had enough of the big ol’ batch of SCHTEWPID and someone was gonna hear ALL about it.

He pulled his giant redneck truck up to the front door, just as the same Drive Thru Attendant was coming outside for his smoke break. Recognizing Hubbit from just moments before, he innocently asked if all was well with our order. At this point Hubbit said a few choice words and hustled inside where I’m sure they probably just took the top bun off, replaced it with another, to make it mayo-free.

But, we won’t tell him that, will we?

I Want My CrapTV!

On Sunday morning before we departed for our mini-vacay, I realized I’d forgotten to pay our satellite tv service bill. Thus, to avoid getting it cut off, I made a quick payment to DISH NETWORK via their automated phone service. About thirty minutes later, we hit the highway for Memphis.

When we returned three days later and the kids turned on the television, we discovered our satellite service had been disconnected. I was confused and a little irritated, since I was 100% certain I’d made the payment on Sunday to DISH NETWORK before we left.

Of course, I was even more TICKED to figure out it had been disconnected a majority of the time we’d been gone and my precious DVR had not been able to record the incredibly educational and important shows I watch religiously, such as… The Bachelorette… and Sister Wives. (I’d be happy to argue with anyone who says CrapTV can’t be educational. I mean, how else are our children supposed to learn the incredible importance of red roses in a relationship OR how having more than one wife might SOUND cool, until you have to figure out a way to feed the one zillion children that comes with it or until you accidentally admit you like one wife better than the others?! Geez.)

So, immediately I hopped on the phone to call DISH NETWORK and figure out what the problem was. I quickly got through to a customer service rep named Marcus. He was eager to help me solve the great mystery of why my service was disconnected, even though I paid my bill. He began asking me a series of questions, including my phone number and receiver number. After rattling it off to him, he proceeded to tell me I’d not had service since 2008, but he’d be glad to help me get it restored.

Me: 2008??? That’s ridiculous. I just watched three episodes of Duck Dynasty on Saturday night. Do you ever watch that show? Sy is my absolute favorite!!! Hey, Jack. Hey. Hey. Hey. (a little Duck Dynasty humor for my other fellow rednecks)

Marcus: Um, ma’am. No. No, I’m not familiar with that show. I know you “told me” you watched your dish a few days ago, but it clearly states here you’ve not had service since you moved from your previous address in 2008.

Me: Well, you are WRONG. I have DISH NETWORK service and HAVE HAD DISH NETWORK since we moved into this house, Marcus. Is this your first day at work?! I bet it is. I really think you might be in over your head with this situation, Marcus. Perhaps I need to speak to someone with a little more knowledge of “your system”.

Marcus: No, ma’am. I’ve worked here for five years. I know what I’m doing. My system says you don’t even have a receiver or dish at your house and the receiver number you gave me isn’t a recognized number.

I about flipped my lid.

I was looking RIGHT AT the receiver and most certainly had a very ugly dish connected to the side of my house. I was certain about THAT fact, considering in order to be permitted to actually place it there, I had to jump through hoops and negotiate the sale of my first grandchild to our Homeowner’s Association. In all seriousness, we really did have to get a “professional” satellite company to come assess our house and get written documentation to show the HOA, saying the side of our home was the only suitable place for a satellite dish before we were released of the $150 fine they were trying to cram down our throats.

Word of advice? If you’re a redneck, you like to do what you want on your own property, you don’t think having a basketball goal is evil and you could give a toot less about where your neighbor places their satellite dish, DO NOT move into a deed restricted area with a Homeowner’s Association.

Anyhow…after spending about thirty minutes go back and forth with Marcus about having a receiver, whether this "said" receiver I was describing had actually been working since 2008, me nicely telling him he needed to learn how to effectively do his job at DISH NETWORK and probably ruining my karma by calling him a Mo-Ron more than once under my breath, my phone’s signal dropped the call and all of my progress with dear ol’ Marcus was gone in an instant.

At first, I was livid. This meant I’d have to call back and explain the situation ALL OVER AGAIN to an entirely new customer service rep at DISH NETWORK who was likely just as big of a Mo-Ron as Marcus.

So annoying.

But, when I thought about it for a second, I was actually a bit relieved. I mean, Marcus clearly thought I was losing my mind and the receiver I was telling him about hadn’t worked for four years, but had been kept sitting on my entertainment shelf lifeless and collecting dust. In his defense, he was not familiar with my need to unclutter. If that thing could be tossed and I could still watch my CrapTV, it would have long been gone!

Yes, this was my 2nd chance to get someone on the phone who:

1) Understood how to do their job at DISH NETWORK.

2) Did NOT think I was insane. (No comment from the Peanut Gallery…HUBBIT.)

So, I called DISH NETWORK again and started explaining the situation (and the lack of efficiency of Marcus) to a sweet rep named Melana.

About half way through my ranting and raving about how DISH NETWORK needed to find better customer service reps and how I was appalled I didn’t know why the money I’d paid wasn’t credited to my account, I looked closer at the receiver Marcus and I had almost gone to a World War over and realized something SUPER vital to the situation…

It clearly said DIRECT TV.

Oops.

My bad.

Whitney

Warning: Not For Those With Weak Stomachs

Well, it feels like a million years since I’ve written a blog. My lack of blogging isn’t because there haven’t been “blog worthy” moments in my life. In fact, I have at least ten ½ written blogs on my phone, I’ve meant to finish and post. The truth is I’ve been extremely busy. If you don’t believe me, you should see my laundry room. It’s obscene.

In any case, on Sunday my little family and I hopped in our Swagger Wagon and headed to Memphis to visit with my friend Erin and her daughter, Raegan, for a few days.

Erin and I have known each other for years and she was even our Maid of Honor when Hubbit and I got hitched. Erin and I met at Christian camp when we were in 6th grade, where I still can vividly remember her stealing David O’s favorite Yankees hat and deciding it needed to be given a “good washing” with shampoo in the cabin’s sink. Needless to say, he was pretty ticked and I immediately learned what a pistol Miss Erin was. As we got older, she only grew feistier and now she is blessed with a daughter, Raegan, who is JUST LIKE SHE WAS, times 5. Oh how the world humbles us! ;) Rae is unarguably the sassiest 4-year-old I’ve ever met and I absolutely LOVE her!

While in Memphis, we visited Graceland (which was actually extremely entertaining) and much more, but the absolute highlight of our trip was our memorable visit to Incredible Pizza. For those of you unfamiliar with the place, it’s much like GattiTown. Only better.

MUCH better.

It has an enormous buffet of salad, pizza, pasta, a taco bar, a baked potato bar, desserts, slushie and ice cream…pretty much anything and everything a kid might want to eat. It also has a game room like none I’ve ever seen before, equipped with loads of fun arcade games, glow mini-golf, Go-Kart tracks, laser tag and bumper cars.

On the car ride there, my kiddos got more and more excited as Raegan gave us the run-down of the joint and raved about their wonderful food. When we arrived, we quickly learned she was right-on. The place was awesome! The kids were super hungry, so they immediately started piling food on plates and secured their spot in the “Sports” dining room, where they could watch ESPN while they ate.

As everyone was finishing their first plate, Hubbit decided to return to the buffet for a taco salad. About 2 minutes after he departed, Bug looked right at me and said, “Momma, I’m gonna be sick”.

Bug is a great kid. But, he’s a “puker”. You know, one of those kids who pukes several times a week or more, for reasons like: He’s hot. He’s cold. He’s happy. He’s upset. His mother fed him ice cream and cookies for breakfast. (Don’t judge me!)

Knowing Bug didn’t “play” when it came to puking, I quickly asked Erin where the restroom was and she loudly told me it was to the left. I quickly started escorting my dry heaving Bug to the restroom, only in my complete haste, I turned right and couldn’t find the bathroom! I finally realized my mistake and begged Bug not to vomit in the floor as we began walking what felt like 50 miles to the restroom located on the TOTAL OPPOSITE side of the enormous building.

When I had half-dragged Bug about halfway to the bathroom, he couldn’t hold back any longer and vomited what I would consider an enormous amount, onto the floor. At this, my speed increased and we continued walking toward the restroom. The most intriguing thing was, people were just stepping AROUND IT to get their food. Gross!! About three feet later, Bug vomited again. This time, it was not only right beside the 30 foot buffet line, but also practically on Hubbit’s feet (who was happily creating what he would later call “the most perfect taco salad EVER”).

I quickly asked Hubbit to take care of the mess and alert the staff of the issue and whisked Bug to the restroom.

The next few moments were quite entertaining and went a little something like this…

6:20pm: Hubbit sprang into action, grabbing a “Wet Floor” sign to alert others of the vomit.

6:21pm: A sweet little girl came running across the restaurant, slid and did a face plant across the floor, into the vomit.

6:22pm: Hubbit abandons his “most perfect taco salad EVER” and heads straight for the bathroom, as after witnessing the vomit Slip-n-Slide, he no longer could hold off his sympathetic dry heaves.

A short time later, Bug and I returned to the table where Erin was giggling uncontrollably after witnessing the extreme ridiculousness we somehow managed to pack in our luggage and transport for six hours to Memphis. Although it was a very dramatic beginning to our visit, everyone started feeling better quickly and the kids did get to completely enjoy the gaming area.

But, you can guarantee the next time we visit Memphis, we’ll be sticking to BBQ! (Good grief.)

Winning?

i love my husband. I Love My Husband. I LOVE MY HUSBAND.

Sometimes a gal just has to “remind” herself. Right? ;)

This morning started like almost any other weekday morning in my life. Hubbit was working at the firestation and I was in Full-On Momma Mode.

Like any other morning, I pulled Kid #1 out of bed, shoved a homemade breakfast in his face (toast does qualify, right?), helped him get dressed, packed his lunch and got him to school exactly two minutes before his tardy bell rang. Winning.

Then, I came back home, pulled Kid #2 out of bed, threw him in the shower, nagged him until he got dressed, shoved Pop Tarts in his hand and got him to school exactly three minutes before HIS tardy bell rang. Winning.

After I got home from dropping Kid #2 off, I started settling in for a quiet day of who-knows-what-when-you-live-MY-life. Much to my surprise, about 10 minutes later, I heard keys rattling at the front door and in walked my lovely husband…and the entire Engine 21 crew.

Instead of finding the June Cleaver wife my husband has always dreamed of turning me into, meeting them at the door wearing a lovely apron, sporting perfectly curled hair and welcoming them in with a plate of nice warm cookies I’d woken up at 5am to bake, “just in case” company stopped by…

There I sat. In my pajamas.

My hair looked like I’d just gone through either an Oklahoma tornado or beauty pageant nightmare (either one would have resulted in the same look, I’m certain). And obviously, since I make it a habit of NOT looking in a mirror immediately upon waking, there was no way I would have noticed the black mascara smudged down my cheeks.

Yep, instead of June Cleaver: High on Life, I looked more like June Cleaver: High On Crack. (That’s what you get when you don’t take 20 seconds to give your wife a “head’s up” call, HUBBIT.)

The real kicker wasn’t really my appearance though, as anyone who knows me understands you can likely find me looking this way on any given meeting-less-Monday-morning until at least 11am. After all, one of the biggest perks of working from home is able to “waller” in your own filth-sorrow-illness-pity-whatever on Monday morning.

Side Note: I’m constantly trying to explain to people that just because I work at home and can choose to look like a $2 hooker until noon (if I choose to do so), I actually DO work. In fact, most nights I’m up until 2am working on a press release, a white paper or some type of marketing strategy for one of several million dollar companies twelve hundreds miles or more from here. These big companies don’t care if I have mascara smudged down my face like a drunk Christina Aguilera. They don’t care if I’m surrounded by a hoard of tiny dogs. All they care about is the bottom line, baby. And, I never fail to deliver!

While I do work like a dog, Hubbit works 100+ hours EVERY FLIPPIN’ WEEK. He’s a machine. What can I say? Trying to keep up with his Superior Superman Skills (inside joke, sorry) and work ethic, when my work is slow and I don’t have any meetings scheduled, I will occasionally substitute teach.

Before you freak out thinking, “Good Grief, they will let anyone teach our children these days”, let me assure you…I am qualified. Or, so says the Master’s degree in Teaching it took me two years to earn. ;) Of course, I’ve been so insanely busy for the past few months, I’ve subbed a total of ZERO times this year. Hubbit has asked me a few times if I’ve had any substitute offers, and each time I’ve explained there haven’t been many offers coming through, which is basically true.

BUT, low and behold! Last night my phone rang with a substitute teaching offer for today. Hubbit randomly happened to be near my phone when it rang and when he saw on the Caller ID the call was coming from the Sub Line, he offered to answer it so I could accept the job. I quickly dismissed the idea, telling him this was going to be a completely overwhelming week with work and had absolutely NO time to take on anything extra. He made a joke about me declining the only sub job I’d been offered this year and with that, I went into a Full-20-Minute-Soapbox-Rant about how I not only worked my tail off, but I also did my best at keeping the house together, managing the kids’ schedules, volunteering and pretending to be a Rockstar on the weekends. Good Grief!

SO…

After patiently and lovingly listening last night to his cahhrazeee wife going on and on and on and on and on about having SO MUCH to do she couldn’t even BREATHE…

You can imagine his complete surprise when he and the Engine 21 crew walked into our messy house unexpectedly, on this “completely overwhelming” Monday morning, and found me…

Sitting on my comfy couch.
Surrounded by tiny dogs.
Stuffing my face with an omelet.

And watching…The Kardashians.

Winning?

Whitney

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. (Unknown)

"Scary"

My name is Whitney. I stand 5’3 on a “Tall Day” and weigh in at…a healthy weight. I am not large in size, but I’m pretty feisty. If you know me, you likely think I’m sweet, considerate and very “non-scary".

While I’m a big advocate of the campaign my kids started in my honor, called “Crazy Beats Big Any Day”, I never really thought I was all THAT terrifying.

But, if I’m being 100% honest with myself, I guess I should acknowledge…

Yes…

I have been very known for getting more than a little loud at the ball field on occasion. (What?!)

And…

HEAVEN FORBID anyone try to “come between me and MY man” (Spoken in my annoying Big Brother Rachel voice).

But, today someone I love deeply told me it was often hard to tell me the truth, because I made them feel afraid.

Afraid…

Of me.

Of what I would think.

Of what I would do.

Of what I would say.

It was in that moment, I realized I need to give people a little more slack. I always say if you don’t want to be disappointed, don’t expect too much from anyone.

But, the truth is, I expect a lot from everyone in my life. Not just “a lot”. A LOT.

My expectations for myself, for those I love and for those I choose to let in my life are great. In fact, they are most often so unreasonable, there is no one who could ever fulfill them to meet my standards. I preach the value of character authenticity, but then I am quick to cast judgment on it when it’s revealed.

I suppose you don’t have to be 7 feet tall and weigh 500 pounds to be terrifying. No, you can be 5’3, weigh a buck thirty five and still have the power to cause such immense fear that you’re unable to be given the truth.

I’ve decided I don’t want to be “scary” anymore.

So, to those who deserve it…I’m sorry. <3

Whitney