WARNING: In the following VERY LONG blog, there will be typos/grammar issues/things that don't matter to me at this late hour.
It’s been about a million years since I’ve actually sat down and took the time to write “for fun”. So, the few of you who actually follow my blog might have been waiting, anticipating and expecting something fantastically funny or ridiculous.
Sadly...I’m likely to disappoint.
While my life is normally full of hysterical nonsense, the past week or two has been so hectic we’ve all been pretty much walking a straight line, just trying to get by.
What have we been up to?
Well, the most exciting adventure was our Spring Break trip to New York City. We’d been planning it for several months and were super excited to see something other than the beach. Until…we realize we were going someone other than the beach!
That realization occurred when we were about six hours along on our driving route when all of a sudden the temperature drops 20 degrees and we start to see three foot piles of SNOW on the sides of the road. This is the moment when Hubbit and I began to look at each other, silently asking one another:
Why in God’s name are we NOT headed toward sunshine, island music and the gentle sounds of waves crashing outside our hotel window?!
In any case, NYC was full of lessons…
What did I learn while traveling to NYC?
1) You’ve not experienced crazy driving until you’ve stepped foot in Sharir Omad’s Yellow Cab. I THOUGHT I’d experienced riding with a crazy driver. The Lexington firefighters so blessed to ride with Hubbit THOUGHT they’d experienced riding with a crazy driver. My mother, who seriously threatened to get out in the middle of nowhere on the highway 700 miles from home one year while on vacation with us when Hubbit was driving, THOUGHT she’d ridden with a crazy driver. But, while Hubbit can scare even the calmest man into holding the “Oh Crap” handle on the car interior roof, he’s NOTHING compared to NYC cab drivers.
The cab drivers in NYC are ridiculous. They are on the fastest stop-go-race of
their lives and whoever jumps in their cab gets to go along for the wacky ride!
The process:
* Jump in the cab.
* Cab driver asks you to buckle up for “safety” (Heh!) and then proceeds to go from 0-to-80 in the blink of an eye.
* Cab driver comes upon a yellow light and SLAMS ON BRAKES.
* You go flying forward, only to be jerked back due to the “wise” cab driver’s request for you to wear your seat belt.
* The light turns green and process continues, over and over again, until you reach your destination.
On the first ride you start to think about suing the cabbie for whip lash…until you realize it would be a waste of precious energy, as they tell you they only plan to be in the US for three weeks and are just trying to earn a little cash while here.
Question: How come it takes the average 16 year old 8-12 months these days to get their license but someone staying in the US for only three weeks not only has a license but also a job where they’re responsible for driving others around, as well? Things that make you go hmmm….
2) Times Square is a big fat joke. Those of you who “love” Times Square can “kiss it” because it literally made me want to stab myself. In the eye. Willingly. Not only is the noise and crowded pathways insanely annoying, but why? WHY?! Would a geographic area which hosts over 26 MILLION tourists each year have a McDonald’s featuring a ONE STALL bathroom? Ridiculous. Standing in line for 20 minutes to go to the restroom at McDonald’s after paying $32 for three cheeseburgers, two fries, two sodas and a water? I guess the concept of the Value Meal is lost on New Yorkers.
Interestingly enough, our bus tour guide kept pointing out the exact location a suitcase full of dynamite was found six months ago, placed there by someone who tried to blow up Times Square, but was unsuccessful. Everyone on the bus looked at it with shock and surprise, except me.
While my fellow bus riding tourists were saying...
“Oh. Em. Gee. I don’t understand how could anyone could want to blow up Times Square?!”
I was mouthing to Hubbit…
“Apparently he’d been here a time or two…”
* It’s a JOKE people. Don’t freak out.
3) Never agree to take the stairs when you don’t know how many flights you’ll have to take to reach your destination.
It’s interesting how traveling can bring out certain qualities in people. Bug has always been terrified of heights and particularly of massive staircases where you can glance over the rail and see all the way down to the bottom level. Thus, he’s usually just fine and dandy with taking the elevator. However, in NYC elevators are about the size of an airplane bathroom, which was quite a shock to Bug. In fact, it was such a shock he threw a total fit and convinced Hubbit to walk 24 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS to our hotel suite on the first day we got there.
Now, I hate elevators too. In fact, I once convinced Hubbit to walk 12 flights of stairs with me at the Patterson Office Tower at UK instead of taking their Zero-to-60-in-2.1-seconds-elevators. However, that was when I was much younger and I’ll be darned if I was going to try to hike up 24 flights of stairs. Especially on vacation! Needless to say, they got to about floor 5 and they grabbed an elevator the rest of the way up. I’m a chick who’s afraid of lots of things. I mean LOTS. However, I’m a firm believer when the will to accomplish something becomes stronger than the fear itself, the fear disappears completely and you’ll do anything to get what you want. In this case, the will to NOT have a heart attack from walking up one million stairs became stronger than the fear of riding the elevator and Bug became willing to do anything to stop climbing those stairs.
You’d think we’d learned a lesson from this. But, NOPE.
The next evening we decided to head back to Times Square for a second time to hit up the wax museum (which was honestly a blast). To get to the starting point of the museum’s self-guided tour, we were told we had to take an elevator. Confident Bug had learned his lesson about climbing stairs, we got in line. But, as soon as the elevator’s doors opened and we started to climb inside, Bug started freaking out. He was in a total panic, crying and absolutely unwilling to step even one foot into what he saw as a chamber of uncertainty.
So, what do us fools do? Oh, we say…we’ll just take the stairs.
Willing to satisfy our every request as she was trained to do, the customer service employee asked us to follow her. We entered into a staircase and began climbing. And climbing. And climbing. About four flights into the climb of complete silence, we start slowing down, disabled by the huffing, puffing and panting our bodies are showcasing.
At floor 6, I thought I was going to absolutely die and asked…
“How many flights are we actually climbing?”
The sweet rotund guide answered…
“Nine.”
GEEZ.
We made it to the ninth floor, collapsed in a family pile under an oddly beautiful wax figure display of Ru Paul dressed as a mermaid-he-she-not-sure-but-fascinating-none-the-less and vowed to never…EVER…agree to take the stairs again without knowing exactly how far we’d be traveling. Because, I’d bet if the girl had just told us how far we’d had to climb when we were at the elevator, Bug’s will to accomplish that elevator would have been bigger than his fear…OR…quite possibly I would have thrown him over my shoulder, carried him into the steel box of luxury and listened to him whine for the short 7 seconds until we comfortably arrived on Floor 9.
I could go on and on with little silly stories about NYC but it’s 1am and I still have about ten things on my To-Do list for today…well…now yesterday…I’m clearly not going to get done.
The funny thing is, while the city brought out the absolute WORST in my personality and I pretty much complained from the moment we arrived until we were out of New Jersey on our way home, there were definitely moments of beauty within the city and our trip.
There’s absolutely nothing that can compare to seeing Lady Liberty, strolling through the amazingly beautiful Central Park or seeing how happy our kids were to have amazing seats at Yankee Stadium.
But, no matter what bargaining I have to do or promises I have to make...next year we’re going to THE BEACH. :)
Whitney
“Travel is only glamorous in retrospect.” (Paul Theroux)
