Well, it’s been a while since I've blogged, but honestly I can’t think of anything too
recent that has made me laugh enough to blog about. At least, nothing that has
happened directly in MY presence, that is. Although, I’ve heard enough
hilarious stories lately at our new business venture to probably not only to
construct 100 entertaining blogs, but also to blackmail the entire West Side.
Yeah, you might be entertained by the story behind the reason we had to post
the, “This is not a conference room…One person only” sign in the work bathroom, or
about the harmonica player who was scheduled for a two hour gig, but played
only the theme song from The Wizard of Oz, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
and something he swore was by Phil Collins (sounded like the same note the entire song though), over and over again like nails on a chalkboard. Of course, the most
entertaining part was his “bodyguard”, who sat beside him adding in an “uhhh”
every three seconds, trying to make the family favorites sound like modern day rap songs. You go, Lil Wayne. You go.
It’s a good thing I’m good at keeping my mouth shut! ;)
Anyhow, I do have a short little story of “Schtewpid”.
Wanna hear it?
Here it goes…
Hubbit and I were going through the drive thru at a burger
chain I’ve despised ever since I had a horrible allergic reaction after eating
there, about 15 years ago. Nah, I don’t hold a grudge. Nevertheless, the “wees”
craved their toxic flavors and I was simply trying to earn my potential
upcoming Mother Of The Year nominations, so I agreed to allow it.
Although he admittedly sucks at ordering in a drive thru…SUCKS…Hubbit was driving and placing the order. I typically just lean over and talk really loud into the ordering speaker when he’s driving, to ensure the order is at least placed properly. What’s REALLY fun is when he permits me to place the order in my sweet little twangy girly voice and then at THE last minute decides he wants to add something and interrupts me in his big ol, deep, redneck voice.
Although he admittedly sucks at ordering in a drive thru…SUCKS…Hubbit was driving and placing the order. I typically just lean over and talk really loud into the ordering speaker when he’s driving, to ensure the order is at least placed properly. What’s REALLY fun is when he permits me to place the order in my sweet little twangy girly voice and then at THE last minute decides he wants to add something and interrupts me in his big ol, deep, redneck voice.
Then the drive thru attendant
gets confused, obviously thinking I'm half sweet lil woman and half loud redneck. Yeah, that’s fun. FUN.
In any case, on this occasion he decided he could order on
his own. I didn’t argue. I wasn’t eating from this place, EVER again. Didn’t
matter to me if the order was wrong or the Drive Thru Attendant thought I was a "he-she". (Ok, that's not the politically correct word for that. But, excuse my ignorance because I legitimately don't know what the proper term is. No hate comments over that, I beg you.)
Back to my story:
He ordered food for the “wees” and then…
HUBBIT: I’d like to also have the Bacon Cheeseburger Combo,
Large Size, with a Mt. Dew and NO mayo.
DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Um, sir. I can’t make that any bigger.
HUBBIT: You don’t do large size combos anymore?
DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Well, the problem is, I can’t ask the
cook to make a bigger burger. They’re all the same size.
(Seriously, did this guy REALLY think he wanted a large sized burger? What on EARTH? We understand this is NOT Arby's, kid.)
HUBBIT: Oh. My. God. Brother, just give me a regular sized
burger, with NO MAYO, and make the fries and drink LARGE SIZED. NO Mayo! (Side
Note: Even looking at mayo makes him gag.)
DRIVE THRU SCHTEWPID: Ok.
I was quite impressed with Hubbit’s ability not to go
completely off due to what I’ve so innocently coined as his “Drive Thru Rage”.
Oh it’s happened many times. And no, it’s not pretty. At all.
Of course, I was cackling (not in a cute way) throughout
this entire exchange. However, I managed to get my giggles under control as
well pulled up to the window to pay and retrieve the order. After all, I’m not
THAT mean and didn’t want to make the poor worker feel bad for his lack of
common sense, by laughing at him to his face.
However, as he handed Hubbit the only drink we had ordered…the
LARGE Mt. Dew…and I realized it was a KID SIZED water, I lost it again and all
of my intentions to keep my laugh to myself flew out of the window.
Hubbit quickly corrected him (I was still impressed the
Drive Thru Rage hadn’t shown its ugly face), the worker prepared the correct
drink, and we were on our way.
UNTIL…
I quickly checked the non-large-sir-i-can’t-ask-the-cooks-to-make-it-bigger-burger
to see if it was indeed mayo-free. And, much to no one’s shock…it in fact was
NOT mayo-free.
At this point, Hubbit couldn’t contain himself any longer.
He’d had enough of the big ol’ batch of SCHTEWPID and someone was gonna hear
ALL about it.
He pulled his giant redneck truck up to the front door, just
as the same Drive Thru Attendant was coming outside for his smoke break.
Recognizing Hubbit from just moments before, he innocently asked if all was
well with our order. At this point Hubbit said a few choice words and hustled
inside where I’m sure they probably just took the top bun off, replaced it with
another, to make it mayo-free.
But, we won’t tell him that, will we?
