Next Time Hubbit's Taking Them To The Doctor

We’ve been looking for a new pediatrician for a while, due to several reasons. So, I was really excited to get the boys an appointment with a great doctor last week. On the way to their appointment, I talked with them about getting a physical and how we wanted to make a good impression on their new doctor and her staff.

Somewhere along those ten miles between my house and the doctor’s office, my lecture on behavior must have completely flown out the window and became instant road kill. As a result, although I prepared them well for what I expected, our trip to the new doctor was quite the…adventure.

Who am I kidding?! Adventure is a nice way to say it. The truth is, from start to finish, it was a HOT MESS.

Let’s just say there’s nothing like your child BEGGING for the nurse to bring him his Flu Mist for a full 20 minutes, then running from her all around the office and ultimately having to be HELD DOWN because when she did appear with it, it “looked scary”.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t even going to make the boys get their flu shot or mist this year. I’m pretty off and on with it, actually. I usually give in and am guilted into letting them administer it to them on a random doctor visit, but for the past few years, we’ve gotten the shot and they’ve still ended up with a terrible case of the flu. In all honesty, I think it’s a little silly to get a vaccine for a virus. Isn’t our immune system built to fight them? I’m no doctor…just sayin’…

Of course, when the nurse initially asked me if they’d already gotten their flu shot, Bug piped in quickly with, “My mom doesn’t believe in the flu shot, don’t you know?” I was busted. For what, I’m not exactly sure. But, I have to say I kind of felt like a 3rd grader sitting in the office for stealing crayons or something. So, instead of being labeled “Worst Mother of the Year” for not scheduling a flu shot appointment for the kids on September 1st each year, I quickly responded with, “I never get it but we ALWAYS make sure they do”. What is it about guilt that makes an honest woman turn into a flaming liar?!

I would have been fine with being the crazy-mother-who-thinks-less-medication-vaccines-or-medical-intervention-is-ideal-if-possible EXCEPT for I’d ALSO been trying to convince the nurse Bug did not have ADHD. It was a huge task, seeing as he literally flopped around on the floor like a fish out of water for the first 15 minutes we were there. As I explained to her we’d already had him tested and the psychologist determined if he could sit as still as can be, without saying as much as ten words all day at school, his hyperactivity at home was a choice. I had to tell her my child CHOOSES to be ridiculously hyper and try to make it sound like a good thing. I'm not sure I was a success. The shrink who evaluated him even went as far to say he acted this way out of nervousness. So, since kids get nervous about going to the doctor, I have a feeling I’ll be defending his non-ADHD behavior each time we visit. UGH.

I have to say, although I’m sure he was nervous…I may have been guilty of letting him have a cup of regular coffee right before we arrived. FAIL. In my defense, it was an accident. Who would think they’d serve only regular coffee at a kids’ basketball game?! But, then again, would ever think a 7-year-old would be addicted to black coffee?

The bad part was all of this went down BEFORE the doctor even entered the room.

Before the nurse left, she handed both boys a hospital gown and told them to change. When they realized they were basically asked to change into “dresses”, they started giggling uncontrollably. Then they proceeded to smack each other on the rear end every time one of them turned around, because we all know…you have to leave the gowns open in the back. Lovely.

Flea went first for his check-up and got a great report, while I finally settled Bug down with a game on my phone. Then, it was Bug's turn to be checked out. Everything was fine until the doc had to check his…um…boy parts. All of a sudden, he freaked out and even called the doctor a PERVERT.

Oh. Em. Gee.

While I tried my best to make a great impression, I sadly crashed and burned. Now, not only am I the in-denial-mother-of-the-non-ADHD-child who rolls around the floor like a crazy AND the tree-hugging-lady who doesn’t “believe in flu shots”, BUT I’m ALSO the lady with the 7 year-old child who not only knows what the word “Pervert” means, but was also bold enough to call his new doctor one.

Nice.

Whitney

"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare." (Ed Asner)