WARNING: This blog is not quite like others I’ve written. It does contain some seriousness at the beginning and is EXTREMELY LONG. But, I promise there is some humor in the end! :)
I’m typically a pretty positive person. I realize we’re all fighting our own personal battles and no one is without struggles of some capacity. But, I’m human and every once in a while I have a day where, despite my amazing family and the many blessings I’ve experienced in life, I just want to curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself.
I came into 2010 saying the one word that described my year-to-come would be “Giving” and I’m going out of 2010 feeling like the only thing I want to “Give” is the finger to anyone who crosses my path. I’ve renamed 2010 “The Year Of Brokenness” and can only pray 2011 might be “The Year Of Healing”.
Usually I’m a person who takes all of this stuff in stride, packing all of the emotional trash it brings with it in a “closet” somewhere deep within my soul. It helps me get through and move on quickly…my own built-in defense mechanism.
But, like any typical overstuffed “closet”, there always comes a time where with each new item placed in it, trash starts to seep out from under the “door”. And, sooner or later the entire door bursts open, because it just can’t handle the pressure from all the trash you’ve put inside. Late last night, my “closet” door just came bundling down and unfortunately it carried on into today.
Today was meant to be one of those days where I laid in bed all day in my bathing suit (explanation to come), wallowing in my own self pity.
I’d woke up this morning realizing I needed a pick-me-up so I thought we’d take the kids to the indoor pool complex in G-town. But, when we called to check their hours of operation, they were closed for the morning. In my lame-o depressive state, that (ridiculously minor) fact was solely enough to push me back over the “Poor Me” edge and back into bed (swimsuit and all).
Fortunately, that wonderful family I mentioned above decided it was not to be! In fact, Hubbit physically pulled me out of bed after deciding he wasn’t going to put up with some basketcase-of-a-wife on his first official day of vacation.
Since Bug has been bugging us to give it a try, (hahaha corny puns always make me laugh) Hubbit decided we’d spend a family day at Champs. For those of you who are unaware, Champs is a roller skating rink with laser tag, arcade games and for those parents who just can’t take the neon lights and Miley Cyrus music anymore…beer.
We are not a family who frequents Champs. In fact, I'm not sure Hubbit had ever been.
I wasn’t fully on board and quickly proclaimed I would not be participating in skating of any kind. But, the thought of “shooting” people in laser tag did peak my interest enough for me to toss my swim suit aside, brush my ratty hair and throw on some yoga pants.
When we arrived, we immediately played laser tag and I’ll admit my emotional state did improve slightly as I was able to take my aggression out on the little bald father who was trying to act like a stealth ninja with his son. The Acke Four forced them out of their hiding nook and unleashed fury on everyone in the place. That's how we roll! Woot! (At least that’s how it went in my head).
Then Bug decided it was time to skate and Hubbit hesitantly agreed to be his accomplice. I knew Hubbit wasn’t a professional skater because about 12 years ago I’d once taken him ice skating with me. Based on that experience, I was well aware he was a complete klutz when trying to balance himself on ice, using only two small blades of metal. But, I figured having a total of eight wheels this time might help him redeem himself in the skating world.
Those of you who know Hubbit, know he’s not a small man. He stands 6’4 and he’ll tell you he weighs 300 pounds but the truth is he doesn’t. (Random thought: Why is it men “lie up” when it comes to their weight and women “lie down”?) Anyhow, my point is, regardless of what happened, I knew anything Hubbit tried to do on eight tiny wheels would at least be...interesting.
What I didn’t know is that I was about to witness nature’s all-natural cure for depression.
I don’t even think I can do justice to this with words, but I will try. Close your eyes (not really…unless you can read with your eyes closed and in that case please call me ASAP because I think I have a really great way we could make a lot of cash, quickly). Imagine a tall redneck (wearing some of the most redneck gray sweatpants you could imagine and one of those redneck “Big Dog” t-shirts) trying to “float” around the skating floor on two small (as small as size 15's can be) roller skates, meant for someone with at least SLIGHT coordination.
Where you and I might think of skating as being the smooth movement of the feet across a floor, the only thing making a smooth movement across the roller rink was Hubbit’s backside.
I’ve never in my life seen someone fall as much as he did. I sware, he only had one skate on and it (like it had a mind all its own or something) slid out in front of him (while he was SITTING), causing him to almost fall off the bench before he even had the second skate on! This was all BEFORE he even tried to stand.
Usually I would have sat to the side, playing on my iPhone while he and Bug had fun. But, after seeing this start to their journey, I knew the “Big Event” was yet to come and I sure-as-heck wasn’t going to miss out on an opportunity to laugh “with” my husband. So, I made sure to pay close attention to them as they struggled to skate-walk across the carpet and onto the slick skating rink floor.
Within THREE seconds of unsteadily stepping out onto the rink floor, Hubbit fell flat on his rear. I giggled from across the room because...well...it was funny. But, the funniest part was watching Hubbit try to get back UP! Oh. Em. Gee.
He started by trying to kneel on both knees, with the skates behind him and then attempted to bring one foot up to place it on the floor (like anyone might get up from a kneeling position). But, as soon as he’d get one skated foot up on the slick rink floor and try to stand up, he’d fall again. Then he'd immediately try the other foot, as if it for some magical reason might give him better luck! This went on for about 60 seconds which was well enough time for me to almost pee my pants and scare off the people sitting next to me with my annoying cackling (or, now that I think about it perhaps my strange pee-pee-dance-stance).
The funniest part of this whole situation was the little skate guard guy’s reaction.
Skate Guard (noun): College kids who can’t let go of their middle school glory days where they “ruled the skating rink” and have come back for a part time job to relive them as best they can, all the while telling their friends they only do it for beer or gas money. (Secretly, I think they do it for the neon orange uniform jacket, but that’s just me.)
The poor skate guard kept standing right beside Hubbit while he was flopping around on the floor like a loose goldfish, not really knowing if he should offer him a hand of help or not. I could see him weighing the dilemma in his little head. I think he was both wanting to help and afraid to help. Unable to reach a decision on what to do, he just stood there, reaching his arms toward Hubbit every few seconds and then quickly deciding it was too risky to try to help The Thing up, due to possibly falling down himself. This went on for the entire 60 seconds Hubbit was trying to get up…falling back down…trying to get back up…falling back down.
Anyhow, after an hour of watching Hubbit get the best workout of his life (and to think I was a little irked we weren’t going to the gym today) I felt sorry for him and decided I would skate with Bug to give my poor couldn’t-skate-if-his-life-depended-on-it Hubbit a break.
I got my skates laced up and hit the floor like the amazing skater I am and have always been (my story…I can tell it however I want). Seeing I was actually a good skater, Hubbit was slightly annoyed. He threw his hands up in the air and grumbled something about how it wasn’t very nice for me to make him almost break his neck trying to skate with Bug when I actually KNEW how to do it and never said a word about it. (I try to tell him that even after 12 years together, I have skills he’s unaware of. It’s his fault if he doesn’t believe me).
FYI: I didn't fall one time. In fact, I didn't even almost-fall. Heh!
While my depression was cured by simply watching Hubbit skate, the most exciting part of the day had to be when I got into a tiff with the sassy six year old who knocked Bug down on purpose. He was one of those skater kids who could skate circles (literally) around anyone and everyone, doing little fancy (stupid, girly, lame-o) tricks and he’d made it his personal task for some reason to try to knock Bug and I down.
After I caught on to what he was doing, I gave him a little "talkin’ to" but apparently he was raised by baboons (at least that’s what his facial features lent themselves to) and didn’t care what I had to say. Since his parents weren’t there, I had no adult to reason with regarding him. Honestly, I don’t blame them for wanting to drop him off somewhere for a few hours. If he’d been my kid, he would have gotten the Claw Pinch ON THE CHEEK! (Flea says that’s the WORST even though I’ve never attempted it as of yet).
But, like life always ensures, karma is a witch and Bug and I had the pleasure of seeing this kid fall flat on his back. So, we did what every honorable mother and son would do. We stood over him, pointed and laughed as hard as we could. We SHOWED that 6 year old. Heh! (Side note: In hindsight I'm thinking of that quote that says, "How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours"...oops!)
Whitney
Never take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyways. (Author Unknown)
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