snow day. joy.

What I’ve Learned About Snow Days

1) Snow Days drive Hubbit to drink…wine coolers.

I’m sure he’d rather be drinking bourbon but we never keep liquor in the house, we only buy cheese at Liquor Barn (never liquor) and they don’t sell the “hard stuff” at Krogers (which oddly enough is the only place we buy alcohol).

In his defense, he does buy the “dude” coolers. If there was a gender war in the wine cooler industry and each cooler had to choose between “girly” and “not-as-girly”, then his would fit in the latter category without question. I can’t remember what they’re called but it’s something like Mike’s Hard something-or-other. That kind of sounds vulgar now that I think about it. In hindsight, I’m not so sure I should be calling them “dude” coolers after all.

2) I do “vicious” really well.

I found myself going completely postal on Flea tonight because he was trying to argue that the cereal and toast I tried to pull off as dinner didn’t exactly qualify as a hearty meal.

Does he think I'm June Cleaver?!

I sent him to his room for having a bad attitude and then realized he was at least partially right. So, I “upped” my game a bit and made him oatmeal. Hey, at least it was hot!

3) I have slow focus.

The people I live with (Hubbit, Flea and Bug) have been telling me for weeks I am a horrible listener and I have to say, I don’t agree. In fact, whenever someone asks me what my good qualities are I always say with confidence I’m a great listener. I prefer to say I have focus problems. Yep.

That’s exactly what my problem is. Slow focus. I blame it on the little nerve in my ear that doesn’t send signals fast enough to my brain and vice versa, which is ironically what causes all of my problems, whether they are health realted or not. Burnt toast? It was my slow signals. Bad hair day? Slow signals. Forgot the kid at school (ONLY once...geez). Slow signals. (Hubbit: That inside joke was for you. Focus!)

Apparently, what I think of myself and what others think of me don’t always match up. That's my life story. Hmph. But, since another one of my great qualities is being smarter than everyone else, I know I’m right…and they’re WRONG. (Calm down, it’s a joke. I know I’m not smarter than EVERYone.)

Side note: Maybe that slow focus is the reason I still can’t back my van up successfully (AKA safely). For those of you following my lack-of-driving-success, Gigi did in fact purchase one of those blinking stop signs for me the other day. So far it’s kept me from driving through the wall but I’m not sure you’re really supposed to get as close to it as Hubbit did when he was trying to prove his truck could fit into our garage.

FYI: The truck did fit. Barely. (See the blog photo above.) When he asked why I hadn't done the same when I drove it, I just rolled my eyes (which he absolutely LOVES by the way) because the Man must have forgotten that I can’t even park our small van in the garage, let alone a giant Man Truck. Maybe he’s not such a great LISTENER either.

Hmph.

4) Big trucks kick as*.

Wow, that little * up there really doesn’t make that word look any more attractive when I use it than it doesn't when others use it on their Facebook rants. Just thought I’d give it a try.

Seriously, I am in love with my Swagger Wagon. I even held strong as a Swagger Wagon fan when my pal (I’ll call her Memphis) tried to BULLY ME into forgoing the wagon in exchange for a jumbo SUV. I’ve owned an Expedition and while I loved it, I felt like I was selling my soul to the Middle East every THIRD day when I had to pay $60 to fill that bad boy up. No more of that for me, thank you very much.

I love the way I can pile loads of stinky boys into my Swagger Wagon, along with their baseball gear, backpacks and big feet. The only thing I do NOT love about it is the fact that it doesn’t back up properly. Darn thing has a rear end that’s drawn to big trucks.

But I can’t say I blame “her”, because I’ve fallen in love with Hubbit’s truck over the past few days. There’s just something about its height, its power and the security it gives me that makes me consider leaving my familiar old Swagger Wagon behind and running away forever with it. (Sounds kind of like the story of how I met Hubbit now that I think about it).

What I don’t like about it is the fact that while it has four doors, when the boys are both in the back seat, they can reach each other far too easily. Those who have two or more kids understand this means:

1) They don’t have to exert much effort to smack each other in the face for absolutely no reason.
2) Siblings will aggravate each other more often than usual if the process of aggravating each other doesn’t require much effort.

When I’m in my Swagger Wagon, I can just send one of them to the back row seat and this problem is S-O-L-V-E-D. In the truck, the only option is to make one of them ride in the open truck bed and while I’m proud to be at least 75% redneck, that 25% on my civilized side makes me think twice about trying that in 4 degree weather.

While I’ve not left the house today even as much as to check the mailbox and have basically sat my rear end watching movies all day (when I wasn’t making the most kick-tail Rice Crispy Santas with Bug), thinking back about all of these lessons have me absolutely exhausted.

Wonder what I'll learn tomorrow?

So, goodnight loves!

And, to my sweet friend Susan: I hope this gives you at least a few laughs! :)

Whitney

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. (Carl Reiner)