Bad Driver On Board

In the last 14 years…

# of auto accidents I’ve been in while driving: One. It wasn’t my fault. Seriously.

# of times I’ve been pulled over or given a ticket: Zero. Score!

# of times I’ve taken off a side mirror on a car I was borrowing: One. I’ll admit that doesn’t help me form my case here, but Gigi will get a kick out of it because it was her side mirror and I was borrowing her car because of the sole accident mentioned above.

In any case, since I’ve had my handy-dandy mini van, it turns out I’ve completely forgotten how to drive. Just a few months after I got it a year or so ago, I sideswiped a truck as I was trying to park (Thankfully, it belonged to my parents but I still had to shell out $500 to fix my Swagger Wagon).

In addition, just THIS WEEK I’ve backed into Hubbit’s truck twice as I’ve been pulling out of the garage.

Geez.

I didn’t even tell him I backed into it again today, for several reasons.

1) He was napping. Enough said.
2) The Magic Eraser saved my tail AGAIN and completely wiped my blue mini van paint off his bright white Ram. So, the evidence went kaput!
3) I figured he already knew it was coming since he “watched” me back out the other day with his hands COVERING HIS EYES.

You see, our garage is ½ full of stuff like tools, an extra freezer and other things we “need”. Since Hubbit is the sweetie pea he is, he lets me park in the clean ½ of the garage and parks his truck out in the cold, on the opposite side of the driveway. Our old house had no garage and I’ve actually only started parking in this one.

Along with my new parking spot, I’m learning new things like:

Just because you can’t see out of the garage with the door closed, there might be something (AKA Hubbit’s big truck) out there waiting for you to run into it and when pulling in you REALLY should leave at least two inches between your van and the wall attached to your kitchen (that’s really a whole other blog topic waiting to be written).

That brings up a question, if I accidentally ran into the wall would my auto or home insurance cover it? (Maybe I’ll check on that one).

Gigi has already threatened to buy me a light up stop sign Bed Bath & Beyond carries for “unique” drivers like myself. Apparently it lights up when you get close enough to the wall for the garage door to close but not so close you end up in your kitchen hallway upon finishing the “parking” process. I wonder if the inventor had a wife like myself. I’d bet he did.

The thing is, I have NO idea why I keep backing into his truck! Other than the fact I completely forget his truck is out there…like EVERY time I start to back out and up until the moment I hear the lovely scrape sound. Thankfully, I back out at the speed of a snail, or else I would be spending way too much time drinking the free bottled water at the Collision Center.

What do I really WANT for Christmas?

Volumizing Hair Rollers.

But, what do I really NEED?

Driving Lessons.

Whitney

When Solomon said that there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking an automobile. (Bob Edwards)